I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
