Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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