I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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