went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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