since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
