if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
