Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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