as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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