I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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