As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
