my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
