"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
