but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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