I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize