im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
