Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
