Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
