It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
