we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
