the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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