So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize