I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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