I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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