The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
