Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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