Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
