He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
