Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
