were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
