mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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