she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
