hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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