come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
