hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
