Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
