New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
