she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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