i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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