Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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