His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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