Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
