Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
