this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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