And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
pray to the hookup gods
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
