Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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