I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
