Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
