This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
