I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
