i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
