i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
