..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
