I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
