so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
