We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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