My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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