u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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