I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
