I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
