MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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