i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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