Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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