either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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