I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
