The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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